


and i oop- (black butler x modern!reader)

by novembers_gh0st



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Crack and Angst, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Grell Sutcliff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think I'm funny, Manga Spoilers Everywhere, POV First Person, Self-Indulgent, bc i'm an uncreative bitch, because there ain't no transphobia in my crackfic, but I'm really not, but mostly crack, but the actual fic uses proper punctuation and grammar, he pissed on my fucking wife, lowercase is intended in the desc., mostly for swearing, my morals are questionable but at least i'm not a sebaciel shipper, no beta we die like men, rated t for many reasons, reader is a necessary force of chaos, reader is irish, sebastian michaelis is a bitch-ass motherfucker, update schedule?? wtf is that?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25881223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembers_gh0st/pseuds/novembers_gh0st
Summary: y/n is a chaotic neutral otaku from 2020- a year everyone would gladly erase from existence. after being hit by our satan saviour truck-kun she is isekai'd to victorian era, england, where her only goal is to confuse everyone with gen-z humour. but maybe the real plotline was the one the author made up along the way...
Relationships: Agni & Reader, Charles Grey (Kuroshitsuji)/Reader, Cheslock (Kuroshitsuji)/Reader, Edgar Redmond/Reader, Edward Midford/Reader, Finnian (Kuroshitsuji)/Reader, Gregory Violet/Reader, Grell Sutcliff/Reader, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Othello/Grell Sutcliff/Reader, Othello/Reader, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Ronald Knox/Reader, Snake (Kuroshitsuji)/Reader, Soma Asman Kadar/Reader, Undertaker & Reader, William T. Spears & Reader
Comments: 82
Kudos: 90





	1. [prologue] - mcdubmass™️ goes to school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reader is irish because i felt like it'd be interesting 
> 
> ~~it totally has nothing to do with the fact that i'm a gaeilgeoir hehe~~

It was what I had presumed to be a Sunday morning. I woke up to my alarm buzzing from under my pillow. I drowsily grabbed at my phone and strained my eyes until I was able to see what was on the screen. Huh, that's weird— 'Wake up you lazy fuck' was the name I had given to the alarm for weekdays at 07:00–

"SHIT!" I screeched as I realized it was in fact Monday, not Sunday like I had previously thought. Thankfully, my mam didn't hear me swear or she would've beaten my ass with a wooden spoon. Welp, better get up. I dragged myself out of bed and quickly got dressed into my school uniform. Despite going to a public school, we still have to wear a uniform. Why? BeCaUsE iT's IrElAnd.

"Ughihgfdtfd" I moaned ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) as I crawled down the stairs. "IT'S SO BLOODY COLD DOWN HERE, LIKE JESUS"

"NOW, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO USE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN, Y/N!" I heard my mam yell from the kitchen. Ugh, why does everyone in my family have to be so... ReLiGiOuS? I'm so glad I got kicked out of that Goddamn church long ago.[1]

"Y/n, what time is it?" My little shit of a brother, Darragh, asked.

"Ummm..." I checked my watch. "07:46, why?"

"HOLY FUCK GET YOUR FATASS MOVING WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!" He suddenly screamed. He's always been so uptight about being on time and I've never known why. He suddenly yanked me by the arm as he dragged me out of the house and down the road to the bus stop.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

At 07:55 the bus arrived. Since we were the bus' first stop of the morning, we had a 45 minute bus ride ahead of us. I sat down and took out my AirPods, flexing on all these broke-ass bitches. I put them in my ears and drowned out the sounds of the world by listening to the Black Butler soundtrack. I love Black Butler so much; I could gush about the manga for hours on end!

Currently, I'm a 'walking spoiler' so majority of the weebs at my school (not like there's much of them, anyways) avoid me like the plague. It's understandable, I'd be crushed if someone spoiled one of my favourite anime/manga/games for me.

After a long bus ride, we finally made it to school.

Barely anyone showed up today. I can't say I blame them, though. We are in TY after all [2], we don't do jack-shit. The only people here are Seamus, Joseph, Óisín, Hannah, Eimear and our tutor.

No one approached me as I walked through the door of our tutor room (aka homeroom). I walked across the room and sat down beside Óisín. As the only person in TY-1 I can tolerate, he's my go-to person whenever we have to do a project in pairs or groups.

"Hey, Onision." I greet him.

"Oh, what's up, N/n?" He says back.

"Nothin' much. How about you?" I reply.

"Not much either. I finished watching Black Butler if that's anything."

That certainly caught my attention.

"Holy shit I love Black Butler! But why did you watch it? I've told you multiple times that the manga is way better."

"Well, first off, I can't afford to buy the manga and secondly, you gave me your Crunchyroll password for a reason, didn't you?" He retorted.

"That was for you to finish watching Citrus, which I had to delete from my watch history by the way." I shot back.

"Hey! Citrus is a masterpiece! You're just blind to its brilliance."

"Ok, boomer." I snorted.

"Dude, that's like the 100th time you've said that to me. Get a better sense of humour would y—" His sentence was cut short by the first bell— signalling that class was starting.

"Shit. Well, guess we better shut up now."

"Agreed."

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

'Fucking finally! The school day is over' I thought as I slumped into the chair at the desk in my bedroom. "Now time for homework..." I muttered to no one in particular. Luckily, you don't get much homework in TY (because it's just a doss year) so it was finished and out of the way by 6pm.

I turned on my phone to check the notifications I had gotten today. "Fuck yeah, a new chapter of Black Butler!" I said to myself. The chapter that I had been waiting for a month to come out had finally been translated. It's a shame that the chapters are so short; I'm finished them within seven minutes of their English release. I can't really blame Yana tho, she's been working on a huge project recently [3]. Oh well

I finished reading the chapter and then turned on my computer to start watching Black Butler II. I never watched it, you see. When I found out they changed the plot I refused to. I was talking to some online friends and they told me it was worth watching so I decided to give it a try.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

I've been watching Black Butler for hours now. I just finished Season 2 and I'm now crying over Alois. 'WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?? MY SWEET BIPOLAR BEAN!' My eyes were getting kinda tired at this point so I checked the time. 'HOLY FUCK, 3AM?!' I screamed inside of my mind. 'I better get to sleep!' I then quickly shut off my computer and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] based off of a true story: last year when some 6th class kids were making their confirmation in the church across from my school, one of them got kicked out because the bishop flipped his shit after he chose 'lucifer' as his confirmation name. what a fuckin madlad.
> 
> [2] TYs are usually 16/17 years of age and would be considered 10th graders i think, and it's basically a year where do absolutely nothing, you can even skip it if you want.
> 
> [3] the mangaka of black butler (our lord and saviour yana toboso) has been busy doing the artwork and main story plot for a disney game named 'twisted wonderland.' so she hasn't had too much time to work on the manga recently. it's a really good game tho i suggest you watch a playthrough online.
> 
> uhh, yeah so you'll travel to the black butler dimension next chapter.
> 
> this was written between 2am and 4am so if there's any spelling mistakes please do forgive me.
> 
> don't forget to comment!! i love interacting with my readers.


	2. [1] - Y'ALL'D'VE DEADASS BROUGHT ME TO ANOTHER WORLD??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> current mood: it's 2am, i forgot to eat all day so i was starving. my parents were asleep at this point so i quietly went downstairs to get some food and my dumbass fell down the stairs, woke up my parents and (possibly) broke my foot, so now the only thing i want is the sweet release of death (preferably isekai-style)

I woke up to my dreaded alarm again this morning. I sighed to myself, "Time to get up I guess..." I rolled out of bed and onto my floor. "Oof—" I Roblox death sounded. Damn, Tuesday sucks dick, but not as hard as Monday does, the fucking whore.

I quickly got up off the floor and got dressed, and headed downstairs for breakfast. Fuck taking a shower first thing in the morning, I could have one in the changing rooms after P.E today. I ran down the stairs, taking two steps at a time, and miraculously not falling down like an absolute dumbass **(unlike a certain author—).**

"Ayo, Darragh! What's poppin'?" I greeted my brother at the kitchen counter, where he was eating breakfast.

"Shu upmh, 'm twyin t eaf hewe!" He yells at me with a face full of pancake. Disgustang.

"Shit dude, fine." I muttered as I sat down beside him, tucking into the toast sandwich I had managed to make between paragraphs. We both finished our food pretty quickly and started heading to the bus stop, somehow being early for once. We only had to cross one more road to get to the bus.

"RACE YOU TO THE BUS STOP!!" I screeched and proceeded to start booking it across the road, leaving by brother in the dust.

"WAIT Y/N WATCH OUT!" Darragh yelled out right before a heavy object hurtled into my right side. It was a truck. I had just gotten hit by motherfucking Truck-kun. My body flew into the air and back onto the ground. Oof, that's some major damage bro. I didn't feel any pain, my life just so happened to be ebbing away no big deal.

"Haha... looks like you beat me this time... bitch." I mustered up as much strength as I could to say those words whilst I stared up at my brother.

Then I fucking died.

"It's all because she didn't use the Safe Cross Code™️, smh." Darragh said as a tear rolled down his face, staring at my now lifeless body. He then crossed the road safely and hopped onto the school bus. Sure, his sister was just hit by an Isekai God but he sure as hell wasn't going to miss a day at school for such a pathetic reason.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

When I finally regained consciousness I wasn't where I was before. I seemed to be lying in a bed of sorts,, it was comfy but a pretty tight fit. My arms were crossed over my chest. Strange, that's not one of my usual sleeping positions. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking around me when I finally got all the crusty dusty stuff outta them.

The place looked oddly familiar,, but it was littered with coffins, and I couldn't recall ever being to a funeral home before. That's when I realized the 'bed' that I had been in, too, was a fucking coffin. Oh yeah I forgot that they all probably thought I was dead. They had us in the first half ngl. That still didn't explain why this place is familiar though.

"Uhm, hello? Anybody home?" I called out. It's not like I was actually expecting an answer, I mean— who would live at a dead people palace??

"Ahh, so you are alive, after all, my dear. Heehee..." a voice called back from behind me. HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE I RECOGNISE THAT VOICE—

I turned around and lo-and-behold the Undertaker himself had been standing behind me, giving a rare open mouthed version of a shit-eating grin (Kudos to anyone who gets the really subtle reference).

I managed to keep my cool. The numerous fanfictions that I had consumed with this exact same situation in them kept me prepared for the real thing. Thinking back on it, wouldn't that make this a cliché..? Whatever.

"Okay, Michael Jackson. You're gonna tell me what the frick frack happened to me or I will cry." I threaten(?) him. Probably the stupidest thing I had done. Periodt. This dude could kill me and I knew it. But after multiple near-death experiences [1] you kinda stop fearing for your life.

The Undertaker didn't say anything, he just stared at me. Everything was silent for a split second and then a shrill laugh rang throughout the room, presumably knocking off the sign on the outside like it did every time Undertaker had a laughing fit.

"HAHAJKAKALAHALEJQNAL YOU'RE HILARIOUS! I think we're gonna get along just fine, my dear~" he said while giggling. Wow, I didn't know Victorians could keysmash.

"You gave me a good laugh so I'll tell you what I know. Your presumed-to-be-dead body was brought in here a couple of hours ago. Apparently, you were hit by a carriage. Not much else to it, I'm afraid. But that's not what you were asking about, was it?" All of a sudden Undertaker got really close to my face, so close that I could just about see his eyes from underneath his fringe.

"Your soul. It's strange, it's certainly a human one but not like any other I've ever seen. Perhaps you aren't from here, hmmmm?" He smiled sweetly at me, I could only assume it was fake though.

"Undertaker? More like Under-take-me-home." I mutter under my breath as I started at him. "Okay, yeah fine I ain't from here. I'm from the future. 2020 to be exact. What're you gonna do about it, tho? It's not like you can bring me back to the future."

"Yes, you are right about that. But that means you don't have any accommodations, correct? How would you like to live here with me? You could work as my assistant while I try and find a way for you to get back to your own time." Undertaker suggested. Damn, who knew the most notorious grim reaper of this time could be so nice?

"Sounds like a plan, dude! I can start tomorrow if you'd like. But first I'll need a dress, won't I?" I replied.

"Indeed you will. Don't worry about that for now though, my dear. We can sort that out tomorrow. It's getting quite late. You don't mind sleeping in a coffin, do you?"

"Nah bro it's chill. The coffin is quite comfy."

"Oh, and dear?"

"Yes?"

"I never received your name."

"OH— it's Y/n. Y/n L/n.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] y/n is heavily based off of me (self-indulgent much??) and i have almost died multiple times (i got my head split open on a boulder, i have sleep apnea, i had a bad case of corona that went undiagnosed until after i recovered...) so yeah.
> 
> these notes are copy-pasted from wattpad where i first wrote this fic so if events don't line up with irl time that's why.  
> -samhain


	3. [2] - the undertaker is my dad now *NOT CLICKBAIT*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe fun fact i'm currently writing this in the bath like the fucking idiot i am— i'm risking it all by hovering my phone over the boiling water that i've been sitting in for the past 2 hours (i've dropped my phone in the bath before but i obviously haven't learned my lesson lmao).

I woke up the next morning earlier than usual, due to the curtains of the funeral home doing a piss-poor job of blocking out the sunrise. Fuck the sun and its stupid habit of waking me up at 5am.

I got up and out of my deathbed and started to look for the Undertaker. If I had to have been awake at my least favourite hour, then so did he.

I went behind the counter and into the area behind it and wandered around for a bit, eventually getting lost in my own thoughts. I had walked into another room and then stopped. You ever walk into a room and completely forget why you went in there? Yeah, well that was me in that moment. You see, right in front of me was the cutest fucking thing I had ever seen in my life. 

There was the Undertaker, curled up and snuggling into a bunch of blankets on his bed, and I didn't know what to think. Except I did...

THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAD A BED? AND HE MADE ME SLEEP IN A COFFIN?? BRO WE COULD HAVE SHARED DAMN. Since I was already planning on waking him up I decided to do it violently in order to get revenge. He made me sleep in a crusty dusty cramped ass coffin when he had all these fluffy blankets and pillows in here?? U n f o r g i v a b l e ~~and yes I know I said the coffin was comfortable but shut the fuck up and let me be angy.~~

So I quietly walked up to the bed, leaned into his ear and screeched.

"IF YOU CALL ME DADDY I KNOW HE GETTIN' IN THE PANTIES SO DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DA-"

𝖁 𝕺 𝕹 𝕶 .

Undertaker suddenly shot up and whacked his forehead against mine. 

"Jesus shit that hurt. You alright there, chief?" I asked him, not actually concerned. Mans deserved it.

"Yes I'm quite alright, dear. Although I do have a question. Were you calling me 'daddy' just now?" 

"Uhhh... yes?" Okay, I know I was just singing lyrics but I still technically did so...

"Do you perhaps see me as a father figure? We've only known each other for less than a day but..." Undertaker looked at me with hopeful eyes. Oh fuck, what had I just gotten myself into?

"Actually, that's not-"

"Ooh I've always wanted to be a father! But I'm in my seventies now [1] so obviously that can't happen..." WELP, TOO LATE TO GO BACK.

"You know what? I could actually use a dad, especially since my real one went to get milk and never came back." Okay, look. I may be a bitch but I wasn't gonna crush one of my favourite character's dreams of being a parent.

"Heehee, thank you, my dear! Now, let's go find you a dress, shall we?" Undertaker grabbed my hand and led me to another room in the back, filled to the brim with different kinds of clothing items. I could only assume they were there to dress up the dead people who weren't given anything fancy to wear by their families.

I looked around for a bit and eventually chose a dress that I liked. It was nothing too fancy by Victorian standards, but to me it was as if it was fucking Gucci.

I quickly yoinked it from where it was hanging and kicked Undertaker out of the room so I could change into it.

After I finished changing I walked out of the room and to where Undertaker was standing. He looked at me and smiled.

"You look lovely, dear."

"Thanks... dad."

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Later that evening, I walked into the main area, where Undertaker was eating some dog biscuits.

"Want one?" He offered as he held one out to me. I muttered a thanks and took it as I sat down beside him, putting it in my mouth and munching on it. Damn, it doesn't taste too bad. We sat there for a while in silence, enjoying the peace.

"Hey, dad? I know that the coffins are nice and all but would you mind if I slept at the end of your bed instead?" He smiled at me and nodded.

"Of course you can, my dear! But I think I might have an idea you'll like even better."

"ÒwÓ? Now I'm intrigued."

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

I yawned and stretched as I got out of the makeshift pillow fort on the floor of Undertaker's room. Weeks has passed since I had got here and it was now August 31st, 1888. A date that I knew all too well; the start of the Jack the Ripper Arc.

I seemed to have slept in, as the Undertaker wasn't there and usually I woke up before him. No matter, I was sure I still had time to get ready before the main cast arrived.

I quickly put on the same dress I was wearing a couple of paragraphs ago and quietly made my way to the front of the parlour, stopping to compose myself when I took a glance at who was there on the other side. Okay, bitch. This is it, you've got this! I tried to talk myself up. That's when I finally grew a dick and walked right into that room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1]- OKAY THIS IS GONNA TAKE A BIT TO EXPLAIN- in the manga othello says that he went into reaper training at the same time as undertaker and according to him that was around 50 years before 1889, assuming that undertaker died in his 20s (as he looks to be) i can confidently say he is 70-80 years old.


	4. [3] - his butler, bitching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR 200 HITS I NEVER EXPECTED TO GET THAT MANY AAAAA

I T-posed as I walked loudly into the front area of the Undertaker's, making eye contact with everyone in the room before turning to the Undertaker himself.

"Good morning, father figure."

"I think you mean afternoon*, problem child." he replied without missing a beat.

"Good, you're learning. I'm so proud!" I squealed and ran over to hug Undertaker. He giggled and returned the embrace.

"Undertaker, who is this? You've never mentioned anything about another person living here before." I broke from the warm embrace of the Undertaker and turned around to glare at the person who dare interrupt such a precious moment. That glare didn't last long, however. This was my first meeting with Ciel and I didn't want to fuck it up too badly.

"How's it vibing, fellow homosexuals? The name's Y/n L/n and I am a colossal dumbass. I like clowns and I kin the cat from Ghost Stories." Fuckin' nailed it.

"I-" Ciel cut himself off, completely bewildered by my strange antics. Everyone else in the room just stared at me while Undertaker chuckled quietly. There was an awkward silence until Sebastian cleared his throat and the attention was drawn to him.

"This matters not right now. Undertaker, I assume you know what we're here for?"

"Ah yes, back to what we were discussing. Give me a good laugh and I'll tell you everything! Hee.."

"Bloody weirdo." Ciel muttered. "Very well then, Sebastian-"

"Hold on, Earl. Let me handle this." Lau interrupted him. 

"The sleeping tiger of the Shanghai New Year's party, also referred to as my soul, this should satisfy you!! Do you like it?" Lau tried to make Undertaker laugh, but it didn't work. As for me, I'd heard that analogy so many times before and I still understood fuck all about it.

"It looks like he still won't talk, Lau. It doesn't seem like it can be helped." Now it was Madame Red's turn! "Then I, Madame Red, a beauty of high society, shall make my appearance now. If I ask him, he'll be sure to tell us!" Oh hell yeah now I get to hear her dirty joke completely uncensored. 

"So- [REMOVED TO CONFORM WITH LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL CENSORSHIP LAWS]." What? Just because I got to hear Madame Red's absolutely baller joke doesn't mean y'all can ;0

"DAMN, THAT WAS SOME HOT TEA, MISS RED!" I encouraged her. She glanced and smiled at me.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

After numerous attempts at trying to make Undertaker laugh, Madame Red and Lau were both shut up by tape being put over their mouths. The Undertaker grinned and looked over at Ciel.

"Well, Earl. It seems you're the only one left. I've helped you so many times, can't you tell me a joke yourself just this once?" Undertaker and Ciel stared at each other for a minute, before I went and added in my two cents.

"Do it, pissbaby." Ciel once again gave me a disturbed look before Sebastian walked out in front of him and over to me and Undertaker.

"It can't be helped." He sighed. "Everyone, please step outside for a moment. You absolutely must not peak inside." Just as the rest of Mystery Incorporated left I called out to Ciel.

"Wait, I have an idea! Earl Ciel, How would you like to make a bet? If I can make Dad laugh more than Barbatos over here can, then you'll let me join your little Sherlock squad. If not, then I'll tell you more about the case than Dad was ever planning to." Ciel seemed really shocked. Whether it was because of the risky deal I offered or the fact that he could actually make coherence of what I was actually saying the world will never know. Sebastian, on the other hand, glared at me. Ciel hadn't seemed to notice (if he had I would've been killed on sight) but I had basically just revealed that I knew he was a demon lol [1] he'll probably interrogate me about it later.

Ciel gained enough composure to answer me and cleared his throat. "Very well then. Sebastian, I'm sure you'll see to it. I shall take my leave now." he turned around walked outside to where the rest of the group were waiting. 

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Sebastian had went first with not much luck, he had gotten the Undertaker to laugh, but not enough to knock the sign off of the front of the parlour like I was aiming for. I cracked my knuckles. It was my time to shine.

"So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I'm talking different dimension destroying genius aight. But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides "eh, fuck it I'm bored" and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! I kid you not, Jeff, he turns himself into a pickle! Calls himself Pickle Rick! Funniest shit I've ever seen." There was a moment of silence and then the Undertaker started cackling.

"BWUAHAHAHSJAHJSHAJKDKHAD" He started keysmashing again, effectively knocking the sign outside. All according to keikaku. [2] 

"Huehuehue, looks like I win, butler man. Now let me join y'all!" I screeched out in victory. Sebastian went outside to inform everyone of the bet and results. They all came back in moments later.

"Let's continue our discussion, shall we?" Sebastian gave a close-eyed smile.

"Yes, please do continue, gufu- whatever you want to know is fine, hee..." Undertaker was still slightly shaking with laughter. He eventually recovered and started to explain.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

I gave Undertaker a big hug before I went to leave with the Ripper gang gang.

"I finna miss you, Dad." I wiped a single stray tear from my eye. "I'll make sure to come visit soon, I promise!" 

"I'm going to miss you too, dearie. Remember to stay safe." He let me go and I walked to where the others were waiting.

"Aight fuckers, let's go! I'm dying to start flirting with Grell already!"

"What?"

"What."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] - although i was making reference to barbatos from swd obey me, there is an actual demon by that name lol
> 
> [2] - keikaku means plan


	5. [4] grelle is trying her best, you guys are just mean :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was planning on writing a couple of chapters for this fic while i was in hospital during late october/early november but i had such a bad experience being admitted that i ended up not doing anything at all while i was there, so sorry for that. i can't say i'm doing too much better now but at least i'm out of there. i'll try my best to make this another double update.

.:Y/n's P.O.V:.

I cackled as I jumped into Ciel's carriage, most likely creeping him out for like the fifth time today. There wasn't any empty seats so I squeezed in between him and Madame Red.

"So, where we dropping bois?" Everyone ignored my question. I started whistling and swung my legs, effectively kicking Sebastian in the shins. He gave me a smile that said 'Bitch if you don't stop your crusty dusty wack-ass bullshit right now I will mcfreakin kill you.' I continued kicking.

"Excuse me. Y/n, right? I don't mean to come off as rude but would you mind sitting on the outside of the carriage with Grelle? You seem to be squishing my nephew." I turned to my left to see that Ciel was indeed squished between me and the side of the carriage.

"Oh shit my bad, lemme just squeeze right past ya, Miss Red and I'll be on my way." I giggled. I was actually quite ecstatic about this. Time to flirt with Grelle >:)

I hopped out of the carriage and circled round the back to where Grelle was sitting. I sat my flat ass down right beside her and gave her a c̶r̶e̶e̶p̶y̶ charming smile.

"Ayo, my name is Y/n but you can call me... anytime ;))" My poor attempt at making Grelle fall for me was at least successful in grabbing her attention. She side-eyed me, keeping most of her focus on driving the carriage [1].

"H-hello, Y/n. My n-name is Grelle." She seemed slightly weirded out by me, but not nearly as much as Ciel had been.

"Aight, now that we've sort of introduced ourselves..." I smirked. "Your preferred pronouns. Hand 'em over."

"M-my what?!"

"You heard me. Pronouns are very important and I would feel like an ass if I misgendered you." I explained. 

"W-well... I've always felt like a woman. People treated me really badly for it so I just stopped mentioning it, but it would be nice to be referred to as such." A blush grew on her face.

"No problem, queen. I'll beat up anyone who dare misgender you ever again! I ain't afraid of no Victorian incels." My words of acceptance seemed to make her extremely happy, and she warmed up to our conversation a little bit.

After a while of talking (and Grelle getting us lost along the way) we made it to the manor. Sebastian having nyoomed out of the carriage a while back, was already there.

"Ah, I've been waiting for you to return. Your afternoon tea is ready." Sebastian gave us one of those fake ass smiles as usual.

Everyone except for me and Ciel seemed to be shocked at how much information Sebastian had collected in such a short amount of time. They snapped out of it quickly, however and Sebastian suggested we discuss the rest over tea.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

"Someone well-versed in medical science and anatomy, with no alibi on the nights of the murders who's also involved in a secret society or a cult of black magic. Only one person fulfills all these conditions. The Viscount of Druitt, Sir Aleistor Chamber." Sebastian started us off with dialogue ripped directly from the manga.

"That's a major oof from me, bro. It's not even that hard to fake an alibi, must be his first time playing impostor." Ciel stared at me with a look of disdain on his face again. I made direct eye contact with him as I shoved a whole slice of cake into my mouth.

"Anyways-" Ciel shivered, "Sebastian, continue on if you will."

"Very well, young master." Sebastian cleared his throat.

"Tonight there will be a party at the Viscount's residence, beginning at 7pm. As the season will be coming to an end soon, it is safe to assume that this is our final chance to steal in." Sebastian explained.

"Very well. Madame Red, I'm sure you can do something about this?" Ciel looked over to his aunt.

Madame Red scoffed. "Of course, who do you take me for?! I'm quite popular with men, I'll have you know. It'll be no problem to get a couple of invitations."

"YAS QUEEN, YOU GET THAT COIN!" My comment is ignored yet again and I go sulk in the corner.

"Then it's decided, we'll do whatever it takes to get into that party. Make sure not to use the Phantomhive name just in case, we may fail to catch them otherwise. This is our only chance!"

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

After Ciel and I were forced into corsets, it was time for Druitt's 'secret but also kinda not-so-secret' party. 

"Right, so listen up. We must follow the script. Lau is my young lover, Ciel is playing my niece, Sebastian is my niece's tutor and Y/n is my middle class friend looking to marry into aristocracy. Oh, and Grelle is my butler as usual, of course." Madame Red seemed way too into this.

"Oh, vibe? This is my first time hearing of this. What the frick frack am I supposed to do?? The Viscount is probably super easy to catfish but..." I was only vaguely aware of my part in the plan. Much like Ciel, I was supposed to get close to Druitt, so we could have double the chance of 'seducing' him. I wasn't too fond of it but anything to keep the plot going.

"Just try to act sweet and innocent, Druitt has a weakness for that kind of thing. And don't worry, we always have Ciel if you don't succeed." Wow, thanks Angelina. Really feeling the love here

"Fine, fine. Now, let's go find that fucker. The sooner I'm out of this goddamn corset the better." 

"Agreed." For the only time in his life, Ciel related to me on a spiritual level. Tired bitch to tired bitch communication. We don't stan the corsets. No one should stan the corsets. The corsets are rude. #cancelthecorsets1888

We all went into the party and split off from each other, scouting the area for Aleistor. God, it's been ages since I've been around so many people in one area. Remember kids, always keep 2 meters apart from other people at all times, and wear a mask!

I walked around aimlessly for another while, until the dancing started. I was quickly swept into the crowd and almost tripped, until a pair of arms caught me.

"My my, I can't have a beautiful woodpecker like you falling from grace, now can I?" [2] I shivered at the voice, as only two words entered my head

'Well, shit.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1]- in the manga it shows grelle sitting at the back of the carriage but also holding the horse reigns to drive it?? idk man
> 
> [2]- ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS THAT HE GIVES PEOPLE BIRD NICKNAMES, DON'T ASK WHY I CHOSE WOODPECKER I HAVE LEGIT NO IDEA (did consider choosing the great tit because haha tiddies but n a h)
> 
> n e ways-  
> i'll get the next chapter out within the next few days, so look forward to it (i'm certainly gonna enjoy writing it 👀👀)
> 
> okay gonna go have a mental breakdown now 🙂✌️  
> -samhain


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